I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
