He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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