Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
