i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
