? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
