i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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