3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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