To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
