I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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