Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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