sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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