I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
