That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
