There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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