Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
