you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
