i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
