After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
