Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
