I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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