oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
