If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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