omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
