She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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