When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
