I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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