$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
