Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
