I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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