I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
