Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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