you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
