Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
