peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So vagazzling was a success
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
