had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
