and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
