I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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