I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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