All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
