My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
