my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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