is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
