I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
