If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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