I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
