And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
