I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
