I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
