Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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