this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
