why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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