i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
